The staff members of One Summit come from diverse backgrounds, but they are all connected through personal experiences with loss. After One Summit’s (OS’s) founder, Adam, lost his Mom to breast cancer, he began volunteering with cancer nonprofits to give back. Through this volunteer work, Adam started to see how two outwardly different populations of people (pediatric cancer patients and Navy SEALS) had so much in common through their incredible resilience in the face of their respective challenges.
Dianne, OS’s Executive Director, lost her son Jack to cancer, and shortly after Jack’s death, Dianne battled breast cancer herself. These experiences led Dianne to her life’s work: helping pediatric cancer patients and their families through their own cancer journeys. Max, OS’s Director of Programs, had been working in the field of pediatrics and oncology long before the sudden loss of his dad, but that loss fueled Max’s mission to carry on his father’s legacy and “leave it better than you found it.” Ali, OS’s Manager of Development and Communications, lost her childhood best friend, Nora, to cancer when she was just a teenager. Ali’s whole life changed, as did her vow to change the lives of as many people in the same boat as Nora and her family.
How many of you reading this see yourselves in the stories above? I’m certainly counted within the list of people who found purpose, meaning, and direction in the face of loss. I became a child life specialist after losing my friend, Chris (nicknamed, appropriately, “Hero”), to his battle with Osteosarcoma when he was 26 years old. Hero inspired me to help kids and families still have access to normalcy, joy, and a sense of self while navigating their own cancer and health battles.
Loss can mean something unthinkable, like the loss of a loved one, but it can also be more nuanced. For families whose child has just been diagnosed with cancer, loss could mean the absence of “normal,” with everyday activities such as soccer practices and family dinners instantly replaced with inpatient admissions, infusions, and clinical trials. For kids who have been diagnosed with cancer, loss could mean the loss of ability to play as they did before, loss of consistency with their routines, and loss of time spent with siblings, schoolmates, and friends. For Navy SEALs and their family members, loss could be defined by kids’ games missed, the loss of holiday memories, and the commonality of “normalcy” lost during deployments. As much as grief can feel isolating, it is also an equalizer within communities. And within that loss, something surprising often emerges within us – resilience.
I recently reread George A. Bonanno’s book about this topic entitled The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. Bonanno’s book combines his own research in the field (as a clinical psychologist) with antidotes from patients and participants in studies surrounding grief, bereavement, and loss.
I was surprised to learn that “Resilience is the norm rather than the exception” (pg. 47) in both children and adults who have experienced loss. In fact, the research in this field consistently shows that “Resilience in the face of loss is real, prevalent, and enduring (pg. 195).” Bonanno interviews and cites people whose losses range from the death of a child or spouse to the loss of a home through war or displacement through terrorist attacks (such as 9/11), and the common thread amongst them all is that ability of human beings to continue forward and to grow from the unthinkable moments we all bear witness to in our lives.
Through his research and writings, Bonanno reminds us that “Bereavement is not a one-dimensional experience.” And: “The good news is that for most of us, grief is not overwhelming or unending. As frightening as the pain of loss can be, most of us are resilient…We may be shocked, even wounded, by a loss, but we still manage to regain our equilibrium and move on. That there is anguish and sadness during bereavement cannot be denied. But there is much more. Above all, it is a human experience.” (pgs. 6- 7)
This book is an excellent resource for anyone who has experienced a loss of any kind or for those who are supporting a loved one who is experiencing a loss. I found myself feeling inspired by the stories I read, interested in the findings of scientists who seemed surprised at how remarkably resilient human beings are, and hopeful about the world and the people in it. Not everyone will come away from a loss by creating a nonprofit or working within an organization that helps others facing similar challenges. Some of us might just be trying to make it through the day, and that’s okay! It is encouraging to know, however, that even in surviving the day, we may be more resilient than we realize. We may find ourselves inspired to move forward in our own grief journeys by helping others or by taking the lessons we have been given and doing something with our lives that honors that person or experience. I hope if you are reading this, you’ll consider checking out Bonanno’s work to find your own inspiration in his words and research!
Do you have a great Resource in Resilience that you’d like to share with the One Summit community? Connect with Max at maxwell@onesummit.org to tell him more about it!
